Lost Paradise Read online

  I could tell by her tone this wasn’t the end of the tale. It was too happy a conclusion for a voice that empty. “What happened?”

  “He fell off the wagon. She was lonely because he was gone so much, and began to suspect he was seeing other women. She was right. I smelled them on him sometimes when he came home. Sometimes we both could smell the alcohol on him.” She paused. “When I was sixteen, she packed her bags and left. He got drunk on the ship that night and fell over the side. No one saw him, or missed him. It wasn’t until they found his body washed up on the beach.”

  I hugged her. “You don’t have to tell me the rest if you—”

  “No, I want to.” She paused, then began again. “I got a job at the diner. I was a decent cook, from fending for myself when I was little. And Rosa had shown me some recipes when she took care of me. It wasn’t great, but it was a job.”

  I waited, hoping her story got better because I was thoroughly depressed now.

  “Years passed that way. Then one night, back in the late fall, Jazz came in, with Vince and Nick,” Serena said quietly. “They knew at once I was were. Before they left, Vince asked if I’d consider being with him and Nick for a price. I was flattered. Vince was good looking, to me anyway, and you’ve seen Nick.”

  Yes indeed, I’d seen Nick when I’d visited Hayden. And if I were single, I would have liked to have seen a lot more of him. “Yes.”

  “The money they offered was more than I made in a month,” Serena continued. “I hadn’t been with anyone before, not ever. But I was desperate for rent money, so I took their offer.”

  I hadn’t expected to hear this. “You were a virgin?”

  Serena saw my expression before I could cover it up. “I know,” she said. “They were shocked, too. But they were also pleased because I was a clean slate. I was young and naïve.” She made a face. “I didn’t know back then there were some things most women usually balked at doing.”

  Let her not tell me what they did with her, God. “So then Dev offered you a job?”

  Serena nodded. “Devlin came to see me and proposed this job. I accepted.” She shrugged. “And here I am.”

  Serena had gone from tons of detail to almost none in her last sentences. That meant one thing. “He was with you, wasn’t he? Dev?”

  Serena gave me an uneasy look. “Are you mad?” she asked. “I didn’t want you to know about that. It was only that one night, late last fall.”

  Why was I mad, or even surprised? “I’m not mad. It’s just that Devlin lied about being with you. He said he never was.”

  “It wasn’t for love or even for lust, Sar,” she said with a sigh. “It was instruction. He simply asked me to demonstrate to him what I knew. He had been told I wasn’t experienced, that I was a virgin. He gave me pointers to make sure I was able to perform my new job.”

  I closed my eyes, feeling suddenly inadequate. None of the men I’d been with had ever complained about my knowledge, or lack thereof. But I didn’t know much more than what I’d learned from books and my own limited experience. That wasn’t a hell of a lot, really. It wasn’t surprising Dev had turned to Catherine, a woman with hundreds of years of experience, to satisfy him. How could I have competed with that, ever?

  “Sar, I’m sorry,” Serena said emotionally. “I can smell how hurt you are.”

  “You didn’t do it,” I replied, hugging her. “I’m not angry, Serena. I’m glad you’re here, that you’re my friend. It’s just that I feel sometimes like I’m in so far over my head. ”

  Cia and Janice came around the corner. “Sar, who are you with?” They began walking fast towards us.

  “Should I go?” Serena said quickly, looking as if she wanted to run.

  “No,” I assured. “They’re nice.”

  Cia came to an abrupt stop five feet from Serena and me, her expression darkening as she rapidly sniffed the air. “I smell coyote,” Cia growled. Janice hissed, baring her fangs at Serena.

  A werecoyote bounty hunter had killed Cia’s family years ago, leaving Cia as the only survivor. But I had never expected her to hate all werecoyotes because of that. “Stop it, Cia,” I said firmly. “Serena is part fox—”

  “I smell a bloody coyote!” Cia growled loudly, infuriated. “This what you learned at Hayden, to keep company with murderers and whores? What a surprise, Sar.”

  If I didn’t love Cia so much, I might have decked her. Instead I gave her a solid shove, knocking her into Janice. “You don’t talk to her that way!” I said furiously. “Don’t say another word!”

  “You keep company with trash like this and we aren’t friends, anymore, Sarelle,” Cia said coldly. “Don’t come and bake with me anymore. If you need help with that demon inside you, call some other fox to mind your brat—”

  Enraged, I started for her. Serena grabbed my arm. “No don’t, Sar—”

  Janice grabbed hold of Cia. “Come on.” They left, both of them glaring at me.

  “I’m so sorry,” Serena said, tears sliding down her face.

  I hugged her. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault. And it’s not mine that I am who I am, either.”

  The scene with Cia having glaciated our fun afternoon, Serena and I picked up our tools, and she called Hayden for demon transport. After Titus teleported Serena home, I went inside to shower. After I got the water running, I turned on the radio. Meatloaf’s “Anything for Love” had just began.

  When I got out of the shower a few minutes later, the song was almost at the end. Happy that the retro channel I’d been listening to was playing the real version, not the abbreviated one, I began belting out the female’s few lines, proud of my voice. It wasn’t Sarah Brighton’s, but it was decent.

  Suddenly, I heard, “I can do that. Yeah, I can do that,” in a rich rolling voice outside the door.

  That had to be Devlin. I sung the next few lines, and again came the assent.

  “Will you cater to every fantasy I’ve got?” I sang. “Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot? Will you take me places I’ve never known?”

  “I can do that now, Love, if you let me in,” Devlin sang, his voice reaching in through the door to wash over me. “I will take you places you’ve never dreamed.”

  I opened my mouth to tell him to go to hell. But instead, I smiled, cruelly. The next lines were good enough. “After a while you’ll forget everything. It was a brief interlude, and a midsummer night’s fling. And you’ll see that it’s time to move on—”

  “I won’t do that!” he protested in song. “No, I won’t do that—”

  “I know the territory, I’ve been around. It will all turn to dust, and we’ll all fall down. Sooner or later, you’ll be screwing around.” I sang it with emotion, putting all my hurt into each note.

  “I won’t do that!” Devlin sang, a mix of anger and hurt. “No, I won’t do that.”

  “You already did,” I said loudly.

  Only silence answered me. When I finished dressing, I opened the door, but there was no sign of him.

  Later, I asked Danial if Devlin had been here today.

  He just looked at me. “Elle didn’t have a lesson today.”

  I folded my arms over my chest. “That’s not an answer.”

  He gazed at me in silence a moment, then said, “Abashed the devil stood and pined his loss.”

  My guess was the line came from one of the books he and Devlin had been reading that morning in bed after our threesome. Unlike Dev, Danial never mentioned where he was getting these quotes he kept peppering our conversations with. I was sure he left the mystery because he wanted me to ask him, just as I was sure that the conversation would then turn to Devlin, and Danial pushing in his gentle way for a reunion. So in spite of my curiosity, I resisted temptation. “Neither is that, Danial.”

  “It’s the only one you’re getting,” he replied. “Go to sleep, Sar.”

  I turned away from him, irked but resolute. I was not letting Devlin back in, period.

  * * * *<
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  The day of the ceremony dawned clear and sunny. For once, everything went off without a hitch.

  Cia was still not speaking to me, but that didn’t make Janice and Ivan’s ceremony any less beautiful. It was held out on Danial’s front lawn, under a tent. The ritual was very like a wedding, with the usual promises spoken, though there was a bit about “not letting others into their den,” which I thought interesting.

  At dusk, the reception began. Danial, Elle, and I sat together, as Theo was on duty that night with Terian. Still, I got in a few slow dances. Terian also found a few moments to dance with Sundown. His style was similar to Theo’s, and I concluded, watching him move, that Theo had been the one to teach him.

  Like all magical things, the reception came to an end at midnight. After saying goodnight to everyone that was still speaking to me, I walked inside with Danial.

  “So Janice and Ivan are leaving tonight for Acapulco?” I asked as I took off my earrings.

  “Yes,” Danial answered. “They’ll be gone for a week or so. Warren is staying at your old house.” He paused. “He asked if you wanted him to start laying in wood for winter. I said I’d ask you your plans and get back to him.”

  What he was really asking was if Theo and I were going to stay with him after the babies were born. I brushed my teeth, not daring to answer. In my heart, I didn’t want to leave. But I knew those feelings weren’t solely my emotions anymore, they were his, too.

  Theo came in a few moments later, and began pulling off his clothes. “We need to talk,” he said. “Elle’s sleepover is coming up.”

  I’d forgotten all about that. “The first week in July, right?”

  Theo nodded. “She’s adamant.”

  “We did promise her,” Danial said with a sigh from the doorway. “Why don’t you see if you can borrow some of Devlin’s bears to guard you? You can do it at Sar’s old house again.”

  Theo nodded. “I’ll ask him when he comes next week to give Elle her lesson.” He slipped on his bottoms. “How’s the financial end of things?”

  “Better than good,” Danial said proudly. “We are clearing almost 200K a month, after expenses. Gross is more like 500K a month.”

  “I’m asking because I want you to know that when the babies are born, Sar and I won’t be able to work as hard as we’ve been working,” Theo said firmly. “I missed Elle’s cubhood. I can’t miss my son’s, too.”

  Danial nodded. “I know that, which is why I hoped you both might consider staying here, while the baby is young.” He looked over at me. “Devlin will take his child to Hayden to raise. Sar will need to resume her visits to him to see the child. It’s going to be hard enough for Sar to go between two places. Three will be that much more difficult.”

  “She can teleport,” Theo said. “Travel time that way is nothing—”

  “Sar may lose the ability temporarily, if not permanently,” Danial interrupted. “You can’t rely—”

  I let out a gasp. “How do you know this?” Theo demanded.

  “Terian,” Danial answered. “Titus showed him some old scroll about dhamphirs, and it fits with what Stephen told me happened before. After Sar has the child, the virus in her body is going to spike, even with no help from me. Until her blood returns to what is normal for her, she won’t be able to teleport. If the virus spikes high enough, she’ll lose the ability permanently, unless she gets more demon blood. Dosing her again would be tricky; when she was exposed before, it was accidental. I doubt she remembers how much got on her hands the first time.”

  “Why didn’t Terian tell me about this?” I demanded. “Why is he always telling you instead of me?”

  “Shit!” Theo swore. “It makes things a lot easier, her being able to teleport.”

  “If you stay here, things will be easier,” Danial soothed. “You would both have to bring the baby here every day anyway.”

  “I thought Sar could stay at home—” Theo began.

  “Unguarded?” Danial said, incredulous. “Alone with just your cub?”

  “Damn it!” Theo said loudly. “This is that bastard’s fault! If only it wasn’t taking so long to find Robert. I don’t know why the fuck he just doesn’t challenge me right off.”

  “Yes, you do,” Danial retorted. “He knows Karl is after you, too. He is hoping to catch you weak, after you’ve sustained an injury.”

  “Danial, we can stay here, but you need to accept that we aren’t going to live with you permanently,” Theo said hesitantly. “We have a home—”

  “Is it really because you have a house, or is it because you are both in my bed?” Danial said cuttingly. “That you are afraid of something happening between the three of us?”

  “Danial, Sar is my wife. I want to sleep with her, live with her. Just her and me and our child. I love you, but—”

  “But you don’t want to share her with me,” Danial stipulated.

  “No, I don’t,” Theo answered. “I never wanted to, not from the beginning. I’m grateful to you, for all you’ve done for me, for her, and for our children. But I want time with her alone. I know she has to come to you, Danial. I know Dev will probably demand his rights, too.”

  “Sar will have to resume her visits,” Danial agreed. “Devlin is not going to wait forever, Theo. It doesn’t matter to him that the Oath was broken.” Danial glanced at me, then back to Theo. “He’ll just get another one from her.”

  “I’m not immortal,” Theo whispered.

  I took a swift intake of breath, my eyes wide. “What are you saying?” I asked shrilly.

  “There is going to be a day, probably a few decades from now when I’ll go out on a job, and not come back,” Theo stated. “You can’t retire in my line of work, Danial. Not once you’re ranked.”

  “I know,” Danial assented neutrally. “I’ve always known.”

  “You’ll have Sar all to yourself then,” Theo stated bitterly. “She’ll probably still look the same. I’ve seen your pictures of Annabelle and Dev. She didn’t age at all in that decade she was with him.” Theo sighed. “You’ll look the same, too, and so will Dev. But I won’t, no matter how much I work out.”

  Danial was silent.

  “I didn’t understand how Sar felt, years ago. I told her she should just love you, spend time with you while she was young, that it wouldn’t matter when she was older. That you loved her enough not to turn from her, as she aged. But I understand completely now.”

  Danial reached out and put his arms around Theo. “I’d change that if I could. All I can say is that how I feel will not change, no matter how you age.”

  How would it feel to see Theo founder? To take care of him while I remained young and he slipped away from me by inches? “There must be something we can do.”

  “I don’t want you to see me crippled,” Theo whispered. “I’ll stay as long as I can, until my body begins to fail. And then I’ll go out, and when I draw down on a mark, I’ll do it slow enough to take care of things—”

  “You will not!” Danial said sharply. “There are potions that can be taken.”

  “I’m not ending up like that fucking snake,” Theo growled. “Half man, half monster. You know what he eats, Danial. You know it’s not just Titus that takes care of Dev’s human liabilities.”

  “Hush, Theo,” Danial said abruptly. “Sar doesn’t need to hear this.”

  “I think I do,” I answered slowly, sickened. “Are you saying Lash eats people? I know he drinks blood, but—”

  “Yes,” Theo said quietly. “Titus said something in front of me once, years ago. I’m not going to repeat it to you, but the inference was made.”

  When Lash had said he could eat only flesh and blood, I’d concluded he meant animal flesh and blood only. He hadn’t. Likely the blood in his flask hadn’t been from an animal, or a donor, either. It also explained why he’d asked Devlin for some of my blood the night he’d met me, and why he’d been so eager to drink my blood during our liasons, with barely any encouragement from me
. Revolted, I didn’t reply.

  “We should all get to bed,” Danial said. “Next week is going to be busy.”

  The three of us got into bed, both of them hugging me. But none of us slept for a long, long time.

  Chapter Fourteen

  As the sleepover I’d been dreading approached, I made trips back to my house to mow the lawn, and weed a little bit. While I could have asked Warren to do it, I still thought of this as my home. It mattered to me that the guests coming find it presentable, if not enviable. Theo did his part out in the woods, using my tractor and wood-splitter to begin laying in a wood supply for us. As it was, by the time I would be able to help him we’d likely end up cutting the last of it ankle deep in the first snow.

  Theo was still adamant about moving back in here in the fall. Danial hadn’t said another word about it, but he held me tightly now when we slept. There had been more than one afternoon that he had joined me in my now daily nap. I clung to him, too, no more anxious than he to part ways after so many months of being together.

  I was also concerned about Elle. Sometime in the last few months, she had matured from looking about nine to thirteen. She had gotten taller and leaner, and there was a sway in her walk that hadn’t been there before. Her clothes she picked out and favored were all tight, and when we went shopping, guys as old as eighteen noticed her. When I glowered at them, they stayed away, but I knew they wouldn’t for long. Her body was developing slowly, most of it lean muscle, but the curves were emerging. Soon, sleepovers were not going to be enough; it would be dates and boys.

  When I brought up my concerns to Theo, he brushed me off, saying that she was too young, and that there were no young men at Danial’s home, so there was no reason to worry. That only made me worry more, because there were single male werefoxes there. Even if they were a decade older, they were still male. And no matter what anyone said, they were not getting taken care of by anyone like Serena. So a few days later, I mentioned something to Danial.