Her Secret Read online

  “No, I’ll call him now.” He kissed me on my forehead and left the room.

  I brushed my teeth and dressed, taking time to condition my hair. My mind was spinning. I tried hard to get a grip on my situation.

  All those nights that I’d imagined would be Danial’s and mine were gone now. Our big plan hadn’t worked, and I was right back where I started, minus a few vials of blood. Please, God, let Stephen have some wonder drug up his sleeve...

  I sighed, and grabbed my cell phone out of my purse. Theo answered just as the machine picked up.

  “Damn it.” He clicked off the recording. “Sorry. Are you coming home soon?”

  “No. Can you meet us at Dr. Camlyn’s?”

  “What did he do?” Theo growled angrily.

  I lost it and began crying.

  “Sar, why are you crying?” Theo said worriedly. “What happened?”

  Damn it, get ahold of yourself, woman. “I’m okay,” I managed. “We both are. But it’s not working. Danial suggested Dr. Camlyn as a last resort.”

  “Sar,” Danial said from behind me, “We have an appointment today in a half hour. Stephen said he’ll fit us in. Terian will teleport us. Tell Theo to leave now to meet us there.”

  “Danial, it’s day,” I retorted. “You can’t go out in the day.”

  “I can risk a slight burn for some kind of resolution to this,” he replied, dialing Terian. “Tell him.”

  “What’s he saying?” Theo asked loudly. “When are you leaving?”

  “Shortly. Can you meet us there in thirty?”

  “Yes, or close to it. I’ll be there.” Theo hung up.

  Danial hung up his phone. “Terian will be a few minutes. Also, just as a warning, Stephen said he wants to check you internally.”

  “Joy,” I said, grimacing of the day beginning with a visit to the dreaded stirrups. “While we’re all gone, who’s going to stay here with the kids?”

  “Terian will return immediately,” Danial replied. “Janice is with Theoron now, and Elle is with Aran and Aran Jr., helping the former to babysit. They’ll be okay. It’s you I’m worried about.”

  “I’m sorry this didn’t work out the way...the way we were both hoping it would.”

  “There’s no reason it still can’t,” Danial said, hugging me. “Providing Stephen has a solution, I’d like you to come Saturdays and spend time with me. Purely platonic, just as friends. We can ride and have dinner, and spend some time with the kids, if you’d prefer them to chaperone. Terian can bring you home afterwards.”

  “I’d like that,” I said softly. “But I have to run it past Theo.”

  “Undoubtedly,” Danial sighed, releasing me. “Come, we’d better get moving.”

  Ten minutes later, Dr. Camlyn ushered us into Exam Room One. Danial spent the next ten telling him the events of the past week.

  “Is there anything you can recommend?” Danial concluded. “This is not like The Lust we experienced before. If it were, I could master it.”

  Dr. Camlyn drew some of my blood. “First, let’s look at how much damage we’re talking about. I’ll be right back.” He left.

  “Theo’s not going to be happy we started without him,” I whispered.

  “This concerns you and me directly,” Danial replied coolly. “That being the case, we have every right to be informed first.”

  Dr. Camlyn popped his head in. “Sar, the levels of vampire virus in your blood are consistent with how they were last time. If you’ll get undressed, I’ll check you internally next.” He closed the door.

  Grumbling, I shed my clothes and climbed onto the table.

  “It will be over with shortly, darling,” Danial consoled, taking my hand.

  “That’s my spot,” Theo growled from the doorway. He came inside and over to me, yet Danial didn’t move to retreat, just watched him come.

  “Knock it off,” I growled from the table. “I’m stressed enough already.”

  Dr. Camlyn came in. “Hello, Theo. I’m just about to check Sar internally—”

  “Do you want to wait outside?” Theo said pointedly to Danial.

  “No, but you can,” Danial replied smoothly. He brought my hand that he was still grasping into both of his, clasping it.

  Theo watched him for a few moments, his eyes swimming from blue to yellow. He came to my opposite side and clasped my other hand. Dr. Camlyn watched them uneasily, then began the examination. I shifted, uncomfortable as the minutes passed.

  “It will be over soon,” Danial repeated, stroking my hand.

  “It is over,” Dr. Camlyn said, withdrawing his camera-like electronic device. “Let me compare these pictures with the ones I took a month ago. I’ll be right back.” He went to leave again.

  “Doctor,” Theo said quickly. “While you’re here, can you take some of my blood too?”

  “Are you ill?” Dr. Camlyn asked.

  “No,” Theo said deliberately, his eyes on Danial. “I want a blood test, to make sure my blood’s compatible with Sar’s.”

  “We should be able to run that, too. Let me take a sample.” Dr. Camlyn quickly took a sample of Theo’s blood. “I’ll be right back.” He went out.

  I turned to Danial. “Can you go out for just a moment? I need to discuss something with Theo.”

  Danial caught my irritation and nodded. “Of course. Call if you need me.” He left.

  “Why do you need a blood test?” I asked when he’d gone. “Especially right now?”

  “Because I don’t have to share you after all,” Theo replied, satisfied. “But before we even talk about kids, I want to make sure it’s completely safe for you. Dr. Camlyn said once that he thought what happened to Tawny might have been because of Rh factors in her blood and mine.”

  “We don’t know that I’ll ever heal enough to even make it possible.”

  “You have the same levels of virus you had before,” Theo countered. “Danial’s slip might be just enough to let us become parents.”

  Had he let me get together with Danial because he’d been hoping this would happen? Resentment filled me, mixed with anger. “Theo, I think we should go for marriage counseling.”

  “What?” he said, shooting me a startled look. “Why?”

  “Well, let’s see,” I said sarcastically. “You were apart from me for a few years, were with another woman you wanted to marry, and then another you were living with—”

  “I didn’t live with Aspen,” he interjected.

  “It was close enough, yet you married me without telling her first.”

  “You told Danial after the fact, too—”

  My volume ratcheted up a few notches. “Meanwhile, I had a baby with another man, and raised your child with him. We’ve both been nearly killed at least six times since we’ve gotten back together. We both still work for my ex, who I had sex with earlier today. You think we might have some issues we need to discuss?”

  “Sar, I wasn’t saying that we didn’t have a lot going on—”

  “I’m not sure I want more children, ever,” I said emphatically. “No matter if I’m capable or not.”

  Theo’s eyes stared at me, but he didn’t speak.

  “Will you go with me, or not?”

  “Yes,” Theo said flatly. “We’ll make an appointment sometime today, once I find out some names.”

  Dr. Camlyn came in, and gave Theo a smile. “Good news! Your blood is compatible.”

  “How is she inside?” Theo asked.

  “Doctor, tell Danial to come back in before you answer,” I said quickly.

  “Sar, as I told Danial earlier on the phone, please feel free to address me as Stephen. We’ve been through enough in the last few years to warrant a bit of familiarity.” Stephen opened the door. “Danial, please come in.”

  Danial entered and took up his position at my side, flashing me a grateful smile as he took my hand.

  “That’s a little harder to answer, Theo,” Stephen said. “Sar’s blood was always a little unusual. I
have some early records of when she and Danial were first together. Back then, her blood shows little change.” He shook his head, and smiled ruefully. “I should’ve checked Sar’s blood virus levels as soon as Danial and she got back together, as soon as he began trying to get her pregnant. But everyone, including me, believed that even if Sar got pregnant, that it would end as it had for everyone who had tried it, with the baby aborting.”

  “Thankfully, that didn’t happen,” Danial said stiffly.

  “I apologize for my assumption,” Stephen replied. “If I’d checked her virus levels then, I’d have a better reference point now. The day I verified she was pregnant, her levels were off the scale. Some of that was probably the baby’s doing, because of its nature. Though her blood had dangerous concentrations of the virus all through her pregnancy, they fluctuated and she remained unturned. It was only after Sar had the baby that I began to fear for her. Instead of the level of virus in her system plummeting, as I expected it to, it rose a little. It was already above the turning threshold, well above. That’s when I told Danial to stop exchanging body fluids with her.” Stephen paused. “Given all of that, Sar’s current levels aren’t bad. She’s lower than she was after giving birth, much lower. You’re slowly going back to normal.”

  I let out a sigh of relief. Danial and Theo began talking at once.

  “If she’s not exposed any more, when will she be back to human?” Theo asked.

  “What can you prescribe to help both Sar and I fight our urges?” Danial asked.

  Stephen gave me an encouraging smile. “At the rate the virus levels are dropping, you’ll be back to normal by New Year’s, Sar. You’re mostly healed up inside. I’d guess by then you could try getting pregnant.” He turned to Danial. “I checked into several options. As you know there are a few drugs on the market that combat turning—”

  “Most just give the blood a foul taste while increasing the body’s ability to manufacture new blood,” Danial said with a grimace. “Those are similar to the blood replenishing packets Sar used before. Mostly hunters use them as a last desperate effort.”

  “I didn’t mean those,” Stephen quickly assured him. “I meant something to combat the desire to be bitten. This would work psychotropically, not just physically.”

  I didn’t like the sound of that. “What will it do? And why didn’t you mention this before, back when The Lust first presented itself?”

  “We couldn’t use it before because you were pregnant. The drug will take away your desire to be with a vampire and let you control yourself until the virus leaves your system. But,” he added, “It’s a trade off. You’ll feel differently while on it, and it may affect your personality.”

  “What do you mean?” Theo and Danial said together.

  “Sar will lose her desire,” Stephen said simply. “Medically, you can’t suppress one biological urge, and not suppress another of the same kind. She’ll act a lot less driven and passionate about all of her needs and desires.”

  His explanation scared and repelled me. I’d never wanted to be anyone other than who I was. “Isn’t there anything else less severe?”

  “Not really,” Stephen replied. “Humans who are turning can be very unpredictable, going to enormous lengths to complete the process. They can become violent, or sometimes even harm themselves in an effort to attract a vampire to finish the job.”

  “What other options are there?” Danial asked.

  “There isn’t much else. You can either turn her, or Sar goes into solitary confinement for the next two months. Any vampire will be attracted to her in this state, and she will be attracted to them. It won’t take long for one to take advantage.”

  One already had. “Do it,” I said softly. “I can’t live like I’ve been living.”

  Stephen nodded, and left the room.

  “Sarelle, are you sure?” Danial said, concerned. “This is what you want?”

  I didn’t want to be on drugs. What I wanted was to have Theo and Danial both, and maybe Devlin, too. Alas, life regrettably wasn’t fantasy. “It’s the only line of attack left.”

  “Say this does work for her,” Danial said slowly to Stephen. “What do you have that will work on me? I can’t risk taking anything that might compromise my reasoning or reaction time—”

  “You should be fine without drugs,” Stephen replied. “The one Sar is being prescribed will alter her behavior enough so she won’t provoke any encounters. From what you’ve told me, your actions with her weren’t outside a normal vampire’s desire for sex and blood. You never sought her out for either from sheer physical need or desire, something I’m surprised at. But you also showed remarkable restraint under The Lust, so it may be either a testament to your strength of will, or that you’re so new at making vampires.”

  “You’re sure?” Theo stated. “I don’t want to risk him being around her if you aren’t.”

  “We’re going to find out. Dose me,” I said bitterly. “I have to do something, and this is the only option I can live with.”

  “I understand why you feel that way, Sar,” Danial said. “But I’m hesitant to—”

  “It’s her body,” Theo growled. “So it’s her decision, not yours.”

  “Yes, I know,” Danial said. He let go of my hand. “Take the next few days off, both of you. Theo, please call me in twenty-four hours to let me know how she is.”

  “Will do,” Theo said. “Or she will, if she feels well enough.”

  “Goodbye, Sar,” Danial said softly, then left.

  Dismayed, I got dressed quickly. When we emerged, Danial was gone. Theo and I picked up the prescription, paid the bill, and then headed to the pharmacy at Alan’s Creek.

  The pills were small and yellow. The instructions said to take one every day with food. Shrugging, I popped one, and then Theo and I got an early lunch at the Chinese place in Alan’s Creek. Theo asked a few times during the meal if I was feeling okay.

  “I don’t feel any different. Do I look different?”

  “Kind of sad,” Theo replied. “But that might be because you’re usually smiling, and you aren’t now.”

  “I hadn’t noticed,” I said slowly.

  “We can get through this,” Theo said, taking my hand in his. “By Christmas you’ll be your old self.”

  I nodded but didn’t reply.

  “Do you want dessert? We can stop at the bakery down the street.”

  “No. Let’s go home.”

  * * * *

  After we’d arrived home, and Theo had gone to walk the dogs, I showered again and then brushed out my hair. It was long now, almost to my hips. Irritated, I made a mental note to get it cut. While I was at it, I should get the highlights touched up, too...

  “Ready for a dinner?” Theo said from behind me.

  “That was fast,” I said, cracking a smile.

  “What do you mean?” he said curiously. “We’ve been gone an hour.”

  I was about to correct him when I caught sight of the clock. He was right, an hour had passed. “I lost track of time.”

  “It’s from all the traveling yesterday and today,” Theo said, kissing my cheek. “Next week will be simpler.”

  “I’m going to Danial again next Saturday,” I said. I meant the words to come out flat and bold, but for some reason they were not only hesitant, they were almost pleading.

  “Why?” Theo growled.

  “Because I want to spend time with him. It won’t be anything but friendly—”

  “No,” Theo said curtly. “You aren’t going.”

  I felt a sudden sense of helplessness and despair, then anger surged up, drowning that out. “The hell I’m not. Now that I can control myself, I want to spend more time with him and with the kids—”

  “This has got nothing to do with the kids,” Theo growled. “So don’t pretend it does.”

  “We aren’t going to fuck,” I said nastily. “And that’s all you’re concerned about, right?”

  Theo stared at me aghast,
his eyes flashing from blue to yellow. “I don’t want you rediscovering your desire for him,” he growled. “You’re my wife.”

  Don’t remind me. “I’m not spending the night. I’ll go for dinner, and some conversation. Most likely Theoron will be there, and probably Elle, too. You made a big deal about me not spending enough time with Theoron a month ago. Now you’re telling me I can’t?”

  “If the kids are going to be there, I’ve got no problem with it,” Theo said, his eyes fading back to blue. “I just wish you’d asked me instead of springing this on me.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t,” I said haltingly. “But I feel confident that the drug will work, and I want to feel normal again. That means spending time with the kids. Danial also has taken up riding, something I liked years ago—”

  “He did that sometimes out West,” Theo said, nodding. “He’s always liked horses. It was something I couldn’t share with him. They get very nervous around me.”

  “Then Elle will probably have trouble, too.” I let out a sigh. “But I’m sure he’ll want Theoron to learn to ride.”

  Theo hugged me. “I understand you’re going through something, Sar. If you need this, that’s okay. This I can handle.”

  “How was last night?”

  “Terrible,” Theo said darkly. “I couldn’t find enough to keep me busy. I brought over three loads of wood, and took Ghost and Darkness for a long walk until about midnight. They finally refused to walk any further. When we walked today, we went very slowly, as they weren’t eager to go. Both dogs have barely moved all day.”

  I went quickly over to Ghost. Sure enough, his paw pads were tender when I touched them. “You shouldn’t have taken them.”

  “Sar, I didn’t know what else to do.” His eyes were wild, remembering. “I thought about you and about him and about what you had to be doing and I couldn’t stand it! I couldn’t sleep or eat.” His eyes met mine. “I thought about getting a gun and coming to kill him.”

  I backed away from him, a look of horror on my face. “What?”

  Theo’s features were shifting slightly. His eyes changed from blue to yellow and back rapidly, the pupils reforming over and over. “I knew it was wrong! I love him; he’s my friend! Still, it kept going through my mind was that if he was dead, you couldn’t sleep with him! He did this to you! You never used to be like this! I used to be enough for you! We used to be enough for each other!”