Lost Paradise Read online

  Devlin kissed my forehead gently. “Do whatever you want. If you want to go out shopping for more clothes, just ask Lash to take you. You could invite Serena, if you’d like female company.”

  Shit, he was right. I had no clothes here at Hayden. There was only one pair of jeans and a shirt for emergencies, along with a couple of nightgowns. “That would be nice,” I said, then paused, wondering if I should ask him to come. But he couldn’t come during the day, as he was sleeping all day and working all night. There was no point in asking. “I do need some clothes for here.”

  “Go tonight then,” Devlin said indulgently. “I’ll give Lash some cash to pay for whatever you choose. Buy enough so you feel comfortable here.”

  I wasn’t sure what that meant, but decided a few changes of clothes would be enough. “What colors are your favorite to see me in?”

  “Why are you suddenly being so nice to me?” Devlin said, looking at me searchingly.

  “Because you deserve it,” I replied. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that I didn’t appreciate you. I’m having trouble coping with everything. One of the reasons I didn’t call you last night was I needed time alone to sort out my feelings.” I hugged him tight. “I’m trying hard, Dev, to make all this work. Please understand that I’m trying—”

  “Hush,” Devlin said, running his hands down my arms. “Don’t worry about me. It’s enough that you’re here with me now, that you’re staying with me this week. Now get some sleep.”

  I snuggled closer, quickly falling asleep in his embrace.

  * * * *

  The week passed far faster than I thought it would, and I enjoyed myself more than I had thought possible.

  Tuesday evening, after Devlin left, Lash took me out shopping, albeit reluctantly.

  “I know, I know. Dev asked me to take you,” he hissed, making a face. “Just give me directions to this Coldwater Creek.”

  When we entered the store an hour later, a saleswoman immediately made a beeline for us and then stopped, staring at the scarred bite marks on either side of my neck and the choker above them. Lash noticed and gave her a penetrating look, pushing back the sides of his long wool coat slightly, making the lash of his well-used bullwhip just visible.

  She blanched a little, gave him a wide berth, and came to my side. “Anything in particular I could help you find today?” she asked, her eyes on the whip coiled at Lash’s belt.

  “I need some jeans, and some long sleeved T’s,” I told her, glad she couldn’t see the knife on the other side of his waist. “Nothing embellished and no sequins.”

  “Colors?” she asked.

  “Red, dark pink, white, gray, and green,” I said, trying to remember if that was all that Devlin had told me.

  “Dark brown, black, and tan,” Lash hissed.

  The saleswoman looked at him nervously. “Come on back, please.”

  “You said Dev didn’t like those colors,” I said quietly, as we followed her to the back of the store.

  “I like those colors,” Lash hissed meaningfully.

  I gave him a look. He shot me a grin, then inclined his head, telling me to get to it.

  The saleswoman showed me where my requested items were. I began to look through them, Lash hovering over me.

  “Don’t hover,” I said finally.

  “What should I do?” he hissed. “There are no men’s clothes here, Sar. I feel ill at ease.”

  I gave him an irritated look, then realized he was serious. “You can sit in that chair there, or you can go and look around. If you see something you think Devlin would like me in, get one for me to try it on. I wear a size medium, or a ten.” Lately I was bigger than that, but rationalized Lash wasn’t likely to choose the latter option I’d proposed, anyway.

  To my surprise, Lash nodded, and walked off, looking around. After looking for gray and black in vain, I quickly grabbed some long-sleeved T’s in red, pink, white, green, and then paused, considering dark brown. Rationalizing that it would look good on me, I got one of those, too, grabbed some jeans in my size, and then brought all of them up to the counter. “Please hold these under the name Sar,” I said, handing them to the clerk, then went to look around the rest of the store.

  Most of the clothes here were too dressy for my normal day-to-day life. Yet I was tempted to buy something special for a surprise. Devlin had seen me in jeans, lingerie, and black-tie eveningwear, but nothing else. By what was in his closet, a few sequins on something velvet would be right up his alley.

  After looking at several items, I reluctantly decided not to indulge. Devlin never took me anywhere but Davy’s. That was no place for a fancy dress, and getting dressed up to stay home was also not my style. Letting the skirt of the velvet dress go, I turned and began looking for Lash.

  He was looking at some of the leather suede jackets. “Try on this,” he hissed as I walked up, handing me a long suede duster in a tan color.

  It was beautiful. The pieces of soft leather were stitched together in a patchwork pattern; it was elegant and delicate, yet still rugged. Maybe this coat was the answer to my desire for something special for an outfit. I couldn’t wear a dress to Davy’s, but I could wear this and not feel overdressed. The only problem was that none of the tops I’d chosen would look good with this except the dark brown one.

  I went to the counter and asked for the dark brown top, and a pair of the jeans. “I need to try this on as an outfit.” The woman nodded, smiling, handed me the clothes, and took me to a dressing room.

  I began undressing. As I pulled my sweater over my head, my hand brushed my collar, and it came undone, falling with a clink to the floor.

  “Good going, Sar.” I’d have to be more careful. If I did that near a sewer grate, I’d be shit out of luck. I picked it up, and refastened it, the links sliding together with a soft clinking sound. Quickly, I slipped on the jeans top and duster.

  “Sar?” Lash hissed from the other side of the door. “How does it look?”

  I opened the door, and came out. “I think it looks good. What do you think?”

  “It does,” he hissed appreciatively. “Dev might not have told you he liked the color, but he will like how the clothing fits you.”

  “You’re sure?” I said, going over to look again in the mirror. “I almost never wear brown.”

  “I’m sure,” he hissed, then turned to leave.

  “Where are you going?” I called curiously after him.

  “Outside,” he hissed back without stopping, “before I raise your personal demon here in the store.”

  Stifling a smile, I went back in the dressing room, then looked at myself again. He was right, they looked great, so great I was tempted to wear them home. Not only did I like how I looked, I liked how the suede coat made me feel. Reluctantly I took them off, telling myself it wasn’t nice to tease snakes, even if once in a while they did deserve it.

  As I took the clothes off, my choker fell off again. Irritated, I stuck it in my purse, determined to ask Devlin about it that night. I didn’t want to lose the damned thing. After putting on my old clothes, I went out to the register where Lash was paying the bill.

  As we walked to the Hummer, Lash stopped, staring at me. “Why are you not wearing your choker?” he hissed angrily.

  “It fell off twice in there when I was getting the clothes on and off,” I said in exasperation. “I was afraid I’d lose it if I put it on again.”

  “Put it on now, Sar,” he hissed. “I’ll keep an eye on it. You won’t lose it.”

  Unwilling to argue, I took the choker back out and put it on. I waited a second after, sure it was going to fall off, but nothing happened.

  “Do you want to get dinner while we are out?” he said, looking at the dashboard clock. “It’s about eight.”

  “When will Dev be home?” I asked.

  “Not until eleven at least,” Lash hissed in reply. “He has a lot to do this week. He’d put off some of his meetings because you are staying with him, but there are
some he said he just had to attend.”

  His anger was back, laced with bitterness. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him what he was annoyed about. But we were getting along well, and I didn’t want to ruin it. “Are you hungry?”

  “Sar, I only eat raw meat and blood,” Lash hissed softly, staring at the dash. “I can eat it warm like when you made me breakfast, but that’s all. My hunger is irrelevant.”

  This had to be one of the side effects of the potion he took as well. “How about raw fish?” I offered.

  Lash looked at me strangely. “Raw fish?”

  “Sushi,” I said, giving him a look. “Can you eat sushi? Rice and meat should be easily digestible.”

  Lash pondered that for a second. “Maybe,” he hissed finally. “I never tried to. Where do they sell it?”

  “Take me to the superstore in the plaza down the road,” I said firmly. “You can try it. If you like it, there’s a restaurant nearby we can go to for dinner.”

  Lash drove me to the local superstore, then followed me in as I grabbed a hand basket. “They have tuna, crab, salmon, eel, and other things,” I said, showing him the display case “What looks good to you?”

  Lash crouched down near the display and flicked out his tongue, scenting the air. I grabbed some eel for myself, and some vegetables, too, sticking them in the hand basket.

  This was going to be a treat. I hadn’t had sushi since I’d first been married years ago. It suddenly struck me as odd that I was sharing this moment with Lash, of all people. But why not? If it made the difference between him being hungry and me having a dinner partner, that was all right. Besides, I’d get some for Theo to try, too. He might like it, though I’d never seen him express much of an interest in fish, other than fried haddock.

  I grabbed a small bottle of tamari sauce, then looked down at Lash still crouched down, deliberating. I put my selections in the basket, then hunkered down beside him. “Sooner or later, you are going to have to make a decision,” I said with a smile.

  “It all smells good,” he said finally. “But I may not be able to eat it.”

  I put my hand on his shoulder. He flinched, looking back at me in surprise.

  “Do you want me to just get you some raw fish from the fish display in the back?” I asked gently. “I don’t want you to get sick the way Danial does when he has to have wine. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to—”

  “No,” Lash said suddenly. “I want to.” He reached out and grabbed about twelve different packages, and dropped them in my basket.

  We checked out quickly, Lash again paying. I decided as we walked to the Hummer that if all went well, I’d pay for dinner. I’d brought money of my own in my purse.

  “Stick yours in the cooler in back,” Lash hissed. “Bring mine up to the front, please.”

  I put my eel and veggies in the back, as he instructed. There was an empty cooler back there, a giant one. “Is this for emergency rations?” I asked. “Or tailgate parties?”

  Lash gave me a smile. “Something like that,” he said, opening one of the containers and swallowing a piece.

  I watched him try several more pieces, reassuring myself that he should be okay. There was only rice besides the fish, and it should be very digestible. There was seaweed too, but water moccasins were water snakes, weren’t they? Water was in the name, so they had to be, right? A little seaweed shouldn’t hurt.

  He didn’t like the eggs, or the tuna much, but he liked the others, especially the salmon and crab. He ate several packages, taking his time. When he had tried the last one, he looked at me, and flicked his tongue at me. “I’m okay,” he said. “If I was going to be sick, it would have happened by now.”

  “Good,” I said happily. “But we’ve got to hurry. Not only am I starving, but if we wait much longer, the restaurant is going to close—”

  “Where it is?” Lash said, starting the Hummer.

  He followed my directions, driving us there at about seventy miles an hour. Luckily, we saw no police on the way. Lash parked, carefully stashed the last of the containers of uneaten food in the cooler, then grabbed my hand and ran for the front door.

  After we were sitting at a table, Lash immediately began to look over the list of alcohol.

  “How can you drink if you can’t eat?” I asked, regarding him with a humorous smile.

  “I don’t know,” Lash hissed, putting down the list. “But I thank God for it every day.”

  I cracked up laughing. After a moment, so did he.

  When our waiter showed up, I ordered some wine, and he ordered some sake, a Japanese beer. The waiter brought it to us in moments, then asked us if he could take our order.

  “Do you want to share a platter, or get your own?” I asked Lash. “I usually get just the eel, but I’ll share some with you, if you like.”

  “Do both,” Lash said, his gaze holding mine. “We’ll order more, if that isn’t enough.”

  We ordered the sushi for four, the biggest sushi platter they offered, and I got a separate order of eel as well. As the waiter left, Lash abruptly said “Do you and Theo get sushi often?”

  Why was he asking me that? “No,” I said honestly. “We never have.”

  Lash regarded me curiously, but said nothing. I was quiet, sipping my wine. Suddenly, I could suddenly think of nothing to talk about. Maybe I should’ve just gone with him back to Hayden instead of having dinner out.

  Why did I feel so ill at ease? This was Lash, and we’d eaten together often, or at least, I’d eaten in front of him. What was so different now? That he hated Theo was a given…

  Lash spoke again, startling me. “Why do you not like to talk about Theo, if you love him so much?” he hissed. “You always seem uncomfortable when I bring him up.”

  Was he serious? I couldn’t tell, with those flat eyes of his. “Because you dislike each other so much. I hear the hate in your voice when you talk about him.”

  “Ah,” he hissed. “You know why, of course?”

  I didn’t actually, not on Lash’s end anyway. I only knew Theo’s reason. “I heard you broke his neck once,” I whispered. “That you tried to kill him.”

  “Yes,” Lash hissed. “I broke his neck, but I could have killed him then and I didn’t.”

  “I’m surprised you didn’t,” I said awkwardly, taking a long swallow of my wine to try to calm myself.

  “It wasn’t a real fight,” Lash said contemptuously. “He didn’t challenge me.”

  I shivered, remembering his ranking in the hierarchy of killers: number one. “What happened?”

  “It was at one of Danial’s parties, the first one he threw here, when he became Ruler of New York,” Lash said, sipping his sake. “Devlin and I came.”

  “What did you do?” I said, giving him a look that made it obvious I knew he had done something.

  “Theo was head over heels for a were named Neoline,” Lash hissed, glancing at me. I nodded to tell him I knew who she was, and he continued. “He was on break from guarding Danial, having something to eat and chatting her up. I thought she was pretty, so I went over to her, and started talking. He didn’t like that, and told me to get lost.”

  I could believe that. “And?”

  “I told him to fuck himself, and he went for me with his blade,” Lash hissed, giving a shrug. “I told him not to try it, that he was in over his head. He had just started working for Danial a few years earlier, and he was only maybe twenty-two or so. To be fair, he was good with a blade for that age, very good. But I, of course, was much better.”

  I stared at him, captivated.

  Lash sipped his sake, and continued. “He kept lunging for me. I kept sidestepping him, laughing. He lost his temper and attacked me with fists. I grabbed him and broke his neck. Devlin was pleased, but Danial was violently angry. He threw us both out.”

  I made a face, imagining it. No wonder Theo hated him. Lash had made an ass out of him, not only in front of all the big shots of New York, but also in front
of his best friend, and his love interest of the time.

  “Danial banned me from any of his later parties,” Lash hissed with a smile. “That’s why you never saw me until you did.”

  “I’d wondered about that,” I said politely

  “The saddest part was that I didn’t get the girl, after all that,” Lash hissed with a rueful smile. “Neoline oathed to Garrett that same night. I always wondered if it wasn’t to stop me pursuing her.”

  I was betting it was, but didn’t say that. “So that’s it? You have this animosity over a woman who’s dead, who neither one of you really knew anyway to begin with?”

  “There were a few other incidents over the years,” Lash said vaguely. “Most of them ended the same way, when we actually fought. But that was what started it all. Theo is still angry over it, and probably blames me for her dying how she did.” He paused, taking another sip. “Your having been with me only pisses him off more.”

  There was desire in his tone. I finished my wine in a gulp and then wanted badly to order another. Being pregnant, I couldn’t. Why couldn’t Lash shut up when I wanted him to? He almost never talked when we were alone. If we were back at Hayden, he wouldn’t be talking this much.

  “Theo hates Devlin too, maybe more than he hates me, Sar,” Lash went on. “He knows that you’ll stop being with me soon, but Dev will have you forever—”

  “Why exactly is that?” I said, looking Lash in the eyes. “What has Devlin done that Theo hates him like he does? Is it because of Devlin’s treatment of Danial? The women he took from Danial over the years?” Lash had to have been around for something like that, being with Devlin for more than a half century.

  Lash sipped his sake, and regarded me for a long moment. “The real reason is none of that,” he hissed finally. “Theo is jealous. It’s hard not to be sometimes, of Dev.” Lash eyed me, then looked away, running his hand through his shaggy hair, and settling back in his chair.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Devlin has an ease with women,” Lash replied. “Almost a power. They seem drawn to him like bees to honey. As a man, it’s hard not to be jealous a little, even when it’s your good friend. I’ve never had his smoothness, his charm, or his looks, even in my youth. Neither has Theo.”